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I know the title is unusual to read but one gets to a position where they have to ask if all the invalidation and and the abuse is worth it, all in the name of love “because they are family”.

When we grow up, we are raised to respect our elders, regardless of how much the feeling is not reciprocated. So the question is: does constant negative comments from your elders deserve love because they are family?. So many children grow up in households where their opinions and feelings are invalidated and undervalued, elders then expect them to accept that it is a normal act to deprive their children of the chance to speak their minds, as a result the children grow up with so much anger from all the suppression of opinions. This does not promote a healthy relationship.

When a family member is abusive either physically or emotionally, then expect love and respect, it is okay not to give them the love they expect from you because they are incapable to give it back to you. No love can be brought through fear, love should not be forced. Just because someone is related to you, does not force you to love them. Love and respect should be earned. There are relatives who preach love but are not able to practice it. If they make you feel like your voice is not important or if you speak up about things that affect you is being disrespectful then they do not deserve your love.

What usually happens in many families is that elders do things for you only to remind you about it all your life, for example “I took you to school or I took care of you when you were sick, you have to love me”. The manipulation is not worth it. If regardless of their responsibility they still invalidate you then it is okay to let them go, it is good for your mental health. Love should be taught at home and not in the streets.

When a relative feels comfortable to compare you with the child next door and make you feel like you are useless or are less of a person then it is safe to treat them the same way you would treat someone you met outside. Do not allow anyone to make you feel less of a person, if they do feel free to let them go, you do not have to tolerate someone who does not care about how much their words can hurt you. Your love is a privilege and you can chose to give it to whoever you want.

Do not let love be the death of you, take care of your emotions and your thoughts.